May 27 2012

Our Wise Affirmations For Proactive & SistahPeaceful Living™ . . . For May & June 2012 . . .

Our Wise Affirmations
For Proactive &  SistahPeaceful Living . . .
For May & June 2012 . . . 

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“A little girl, asked where her home was,

replied . . .” Where mother is “. . . ”

~ Unknown

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“Every thought we think is creating our future.”

~ Louise Hay

“Wisdom becomes Knowledge

when it becomes our personal experience. . .”

~ Unknown

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“Always look at what you have left.

Never look at what you have lost.”

~ Robert H. Schuller

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“Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?”
~ Frida Kahlo


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May 25 2012

Our Wise Affirmations For Proactive & SistahPeaceful Living™ . . . For March & April 2012 . . .

Our Wise Affirmations
For Proactive &     SistahPeaceful Living . . .
For March & April 2012 . . . 


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“When I dare to be powerful –

to use my strength in the service of my vision,

then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”

~ AnSistah Audre Lorde

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“Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.”
~ Mildred Barthel

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 People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.”
~ Epictetus

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“If you don’t like something change it;

if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” 

~ Mary Engelbreit


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Jan 30 2012

Our Article Of The Month: Why Taking A Compliment = Being Mindfully Self-Appreciative . . .

About Our Currently Featured AFTTM Article :

A Few Thoughts That Matter:

For Any Womin Who Finds That She Just Can’t Take a Compliment . . .

& 20 Good Thoughts From Those Who Can . . .

by AfraShe Asungi, LCSW, MSW, MFA 


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If you weren’t already aware of it ~ taking a compliment often means being able to be mindfully Self- appreciative.
If you’ve read our group info page discussion about the benefits of wimmin’s groups, “On Moving from A Self-Depreciative To A Self-Appreciative World-View Through Wimmin’s Groups” then you’re already aware that I affirmed that:
“Self-appreciation is essential to our having a healthy holistic, balanced and contented lifestyle. It’s also another form of self-validation. When we mindfully and naturally validate ourselves, we don’t fruitlessly look for appreciation and validation from other folk, who really can’t give us this, nor any real or lasting sense of self-worth anyway.
While it’s really unfortunate that as wimmin we’re often socialized into looking outside ourselves for it; It’s simply not possible for us to receive the external validation we might [unrealistically] crave from others.
Ironically, validation from others can only have real meaning when we are able to do it for ourselves first. Without an inherent, healthy sense of self-appreciation, seeking any meaningful sense of validation from others is pretty much akin to pouring wine into a sieve.”


The following article offers additional and useful insight on reasons why we should learn to comfortably accept and appreciate our Selves enough to recognize our positive qualities [Inner- strengths] ~ and even come to naturally accept “praises” from others~ as a way to “fend off depression” ~ I’d add stress, anxiety, anger and even self-destructive, impulsive actions too.

Additionally it shares 20 examples of how other wimmin have “patted” themselves “on the back” by sharing their own, “self-described best attributes.”

What would you say are your own “self-described best attributes”? how do you react when others sing your praises? Feel free to share your thoughts and responses with us as well as whether you’re able [or not] to comfortably accept a compliment too . . .

And if you’re looking for a womin-affirmative group where you can explore these and other womin-affirmative topics, please click here . . .

Enjoy the Inner Explorations . . .

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Why You Can’t Take a Compliment

and 20 Great Reasons to Start . . .

Do you scoff when someone sings your praises?

Here’s why you should stop shooting down compliments

and start saying ‘thanks!’ instead

By Katie Kerns ~ 09/07/2011.

When your friend says that she loves your sweater, you’re quick to fend off the flattery (This old thing? Its so last-season!). When your honey mentions that you look pretty, you respond with a big, fat, but I feel fat. And its more common than not for you to counter any praise by listing off your flaws.

Sound familiar? Like many other women in the United States, you’re a compliment-carper.

So why can’t you just accept the kind words? There are a number of reasons women refuse to take compliments, according to health writer and body image expert Leslie Goldman, MPH, who recently blogged about the topic.

Many females are taught that they should be modest and humble, she recently explained on the Today show. They’re worried that accepting praise could make them appear arrogant. We don’t want other people to think that we think we’re all that. So we downplay our strengths and accentuate our weaknesses.

But beyond safeguarding against a big ego, many women simply believe the kudos is undeserved. Goldman chalks this up to inner body bullies self-destructing demons that tell us we’re not thin enough, we’re not good enough, and not worthy enough to take the compliment.

In fact, research published in the journal Psychology of Women Quarterly found that women are doing more than just pooh-poohing praise. The study found that a whopping 93 percent of college-aged women engage in fat talk, or sounding off about their flaws to their friends. This toxic talk may seem like harmless chatter among girlfriends, but it can damage self-esteem.

On the flip side, research shows that being able to recognize your positive qualities and accept compliments (simply saying thank you the next time a co-worker admires your new haircut) can boost self-esteem and even help fend off depression.

Proponents of positive thinking say that giving yourself a pep talk or believing the kind words of others when you’re feeling stressed or blue can actually counteract those negative emotions and improve your mood.

So we asked our Everyday Health Facebook fans to share what they love most about themselves. From your big, caring hearts to your big, perky boobs, here’s a sampling of your self-described best attributes.

We think they’re pretty great and we hope you’ll accept the compliment!


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I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know.

But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

~ WiseHelper Virginia Satir


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20 Reasons To Pat Yourself On The Back!

1. I love my personality. People always tell me that I light up a room! ~Suzanne Romeo Bahmer

2. I love my sun-kissed freckles! They aren’t visible in the winter months, but in the summer they sure pop out! They are a reminder to apply sunscreen, but they also make me happy to know that summertime is in full swing! ~Tracie Pack Dawson

3. I am definitely not a size 2 and I can’t take a compliment at all but I like me, my ability to live life, and my ability to find humor in even the crappiest of moments. ~Nicci Baierlein

4. I lost 70 pounds in nine months and am proud of my perseverance to accomplish it. ~Melia Clark Nichols

5. I love my very short, curly hair that chemo has brought into my life. ~Lisa Taylor

6. I have a great chest. No sags and my cleavage rocks. By the way, I’ll be 54 in one month. ~Jacqueline Knight

7. The main thing I like about myself is that I have a big heart and I will do anything in my power to help anyone! ~Suzanne Marie Taylor

8. I love the fact that lipstick makes me feel beautiful It really does! ~Carmen M. Craig

9. My ass is a little big but I still like it… My chest is hanging a little low these days but I still like it… Hair a little gray but, hey, I still like it! What can I say? I just like me. ~Vickie Snyder

10. I love the fact that I have my daddy’s eyes and a great sense of humor. ~Nancy Magdalene Neblett

11. I’m great at encouraging people. ~Maribel Rivera

13. I love that, at 48, I still look great, I’m in good health, and I’m extremely happy. I think my generation is one of the best-looking because we were taught early enough to take care of ourselves. All my friends look amazing! ~Wyndi Molinari Potts

14. I work out hard and I am proud of my body. I believe strong is beautiful! ~Tabitha Sale

15. I was teased about my big lips as a child. But, as an adult, I have learned to love them because I appreciate their natural sexiness. ~Lisa St John

16. Whenever someone says that I look just like someone else they know, I say Oh, she must be beautiful! ~Tracy Gross

17. Jeans always look good on me! And I’m hilariously funny! ~Christine Miller Thurston

18. I love that I finally learned to accept who I am. It took me close to 40 years, but life is much better when you don’t dislike who you are. ~Jennifer Brewer Bosley

19. I have pretty eyes and great smile. So go ahead and give me a compliment! I can take it! ~Susan Sewell Henry

20. I rock. I mean it. ~Amanda May


Much thanks to Everyday Health for the original post of this featured article at:

Copyright 2011 Everyday Health, Inc.
About | About Everyday Health, Inc.

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Jun 21 2011

Are You An Introvert & Proud To Be One?

Our April ~ May Bi-Monthly Article :
Are You An Introvert & Proud To Be One?

On The Matter of

The Hidden Gifts Of Being Introverted . . .

by AfraShe Asungi, LCSW, MSW, MFA ~ April ~ May, 2011

Having had to learn to SheCreate™ a viable lifestyle that jived with and enhanced my own unique gift of introverted “being” very early in my own life [as I imagine others have also had to do]; upon coming across this topic on a peer chat site, I was clear that this was a topic VERY close to my own heart. And as such, an area of specialty that has piqued my interest from a very personal place, since it was the first time I had encountered this particular Inner Character Strength identified as a social and transpersonal “gift” rather than as a social “burden”.

While I am clear about the ways that my gift has guided my life path, I have also found that others [who were extraverts]  were forever attempting to “convert” me into a more public lifestyle. The following articles will offer insight to all and any who are family, friend or colleague of my co-introverts, that they may gain greater insight in how to encourage and appreciate the gifts of being a more inwardly-centered being.  I’m also including the web address of the original article source . . . Enjoy . . .


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‘Hidden Gifts Of Introverted Child’ ~ Insight And Advice For Parents Of Introverts

NEW YORK, March 6, 2006  by Polly Leider

Having an introverted child can be a cause for concern. Some parents worry that their kids will be left behind because of a lack of social skills. Author, Dr. Laney offers advice in her new book.

Author Marti Olsen Laney on The Early Show  (CBS/ EARLY SHOW)

(CBS)  Having an introverted child in today’s fast-paced world can be a cause for concern. Often misunderstood as shy, rather than introverted, this personality type requires a little special attention and understanding.

A new book, “The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child,” offers insight into the special talents of introverts and offers parents some valuable advice. Author Marti Olsen Laney joined The Early Show on Monday to discuss the book with co-anchor Rene Syler.

Laney outlined some of the characteristics shared by most introverts.

  • They enter new situations slowly
  • They speak softly and sometimes hunt for words
  • They need time alone to re-charge
  • They have one or two good friends

Olsen also emphasizes that introverted children should not be confused with shy children.

“Shyness is really when your threat system is easily triggered so that you feel afraid or threatened by people or situations,” she explained. “So either extroverts or introverts could be shy and, actually, more extroverts are shy.”

What separates introverts from extraverts is their reaction to social situations. While extraverts thrive on social interaction, introverts are exactly the opposite. “Everything they do in the outside world takes energy, drains energy,” Olsen said. “For extroverted kids, everything they do in the outside world gives them energy. That makes a big difference for people.”

Olsen offered tips for how parents can help their introverted children thrive and make the most of their hidden talents.

Don’t try to turn your introverted child into an extrovert
“They are hard-wired, their brain and nervous system, so that they have a certain temperament and it affects a lot more areas than just socializing,” she said. That includes “sleeping, eating, how they do homework, how they learn, how they behave in school.”

Speak like an introvert
“Most parents will be extroverted, since there are many more extroverts than introverts,” Olsen pointed out. “It’s important for them to learn to slow down, pace, have silences, don’t finish their sentences don’t fill in words and listen a lot more. And don’t expect them to talk after school, because they are pooped.”

Be prepared for the party
“A party is very over-stimulating for them. Even if it’s a good friend, you can expect them to need to ease into the party, stand and observe,” said Olsen. “Any kind of social event, they’ll need to stand on the sidelines and observe so they can kind of get their energy calmed down, and it’s really good to have them rested and be sure they have protein beforehand.”


An Excerpt From, “Introverted Child” by Marti Olsen Laney

March 2006, By Polly Leider

“Helping Your Innie Child Reap Introvert Advantages

“Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.” ~ Doug Larson

Because of the way they’re hardwired, innie children are primed to enjoy the following twelve advantages. Parents can give these children a helping hand so that they can understand and use their potential strengths and brainpower. If they can embrace these advantages and learn to use them in positive ways, introverted children will be well on their way to forging a fulfilling life path.

1. Introverts Have Rich Inner Lives

“Do you believe in God?” seven-year-old Adam asks me when we meet. He goes on to say, “My family isn’t religious, but my friend Kesah goes to church every Sunday.” I respond to his interest in religion and say, “Yes, I do. Sounds like you are wondering about God and what other people believe. People all over the world have many different religious beliefs.” “I’m still thinking about it,” he says. I can almost see the little wheels turning inside his head. “I’m sure you will decide what you believe,” I add. 

Introverted children know they have an interior world. It is ever present and alive for them. Rather than constantly turning to others, they rely on their interior resources to guide them. In their private garden away from the material world they concentrate and puzzle out complex and intricate thoughts and feelings. This allows them to engage with the deeper aspects of life.

They want to know what things mean, why something matters. They’re not afraid of the big questions. They can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. As with many things, it is a double-edged sword: This interiority gives them rich inner resources, but it can also lead to feeling isolated.

Innie children want to understand themselves and those around them, to know what makes people tick. They are observers and watch other kids. They are less vulnerable to peer pressure since their own internal thoughts and feelings serve as a base for them. They make decisions based on their own values and standards rather than running with the pack.

It’s important for parents and other key people in introverts’ lives to help them express their thoughts and ideas. Without the experience of talking with others, innies won’t learn how to value, trust, and manage their interiority.

Without enough interaction with similar-minded children or adults they begin to think that other kids don’t share their experiences, that the tenor of their private thoughts separates them from others. Innie children will feel less alone if they are given the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with other children. When this happens, everybody benefits.

Cherish your innie’s interiority. Chat with [her] about your thoughts and feelings. Ask for [her] responses and ideas, making sure to pause so s/he has enough breathing room to answer. Recognize that innies care about purpose, meaning, and feeling connected to others.

Find ways for [her] to contribute by volunteering in an area of interest, hook [her] up with a pen pal in another country, or encourage [her] to give to a charity in some way that is comfortable to [her]. If you aren’t religious, you can find a mentor or religious person for [her] to talk to about [her] spiritual thoughts and questions. Help [her] make sense of all s/he notices, affirm [her]  appreciation of nature, reduce [her] sense of isolation, and give [her] a means of directing [her] compassion.”

© MMVI, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Much thanks to CBS News for the original post at:

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What Are Typical Indicators Of Being An Introvert?

Dr. Laney offers some pretty useful information along with a Self-Assessment that can help you to determine whether you or your loved ones are introverts: **

We all use both our introverted and extroverted skills, but we are hard wired to be more one than the other. Look at the lists below and determine which one feels more like YOU!  Not every aspect will fit exactly for you because we are all unique. If you don’t feel like you fit one side more than the other, even by 51% to 49%, then ask yourself this question:

If there is an emergency do you tend to stand still and feel somewhat shutdown or in slow motion? If you have a standstill reaction to stress more often, then you are probably an introvert.

In a crisis do you tend to move your body immediately and feel like taking action, maybe without pausing to think? Then you are probably an extrovert if you react with movement. Under stress we can experience our innate temperament.

Look over the two lists and think about how you ARE, not as you’d like to be. If your still uncertain, as a last ditch effort, ask someone you trust and who is honest to read these and suggest which one sounds more like you.




  • Enjoy time alone
  • Consider only deep relationships as friends
  • Feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun
  • Good listener
  • Appear calm and self-contained
  • Think then speak or act


  • Like to be in the thick of things
  • Relish variety
  • Know lots of people, considers lots of people friends
  • Enjoy chit-chatting, even to strangers
  • Feel stoked after activity
  • Speak or act then think OR think while speaking

A Self-Assessment for Introverts

** Much thanks to Dr. Laney for the original post ~ Excerpted from:

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Introverts need to recharge their energy and take care of their unique temperament in many areas of their lives. Check these tips out.


  • Take short rests before you are tired
  • Write in time-outs on your daily calendar
  • Include nature every day, sit in the yard, go for a walk, look at trees or set a soothing outdoor picture on your table
  • Create down time to store energy before any big event
  • Remind yourself its OK to be introverted

At Work

  • Since you may not speak in meetings, write a memo to co-workers/boss afterward with your comments and suggestions
  • Tell your boss you need to think before you can discuss your thoughts
  • Say thank you if someone gives you a compliment
  • Include yourself by coming early to meetings to help set up or clean up afterwards
  • Say hello to people, smile and say thank you to presenters at the end of meetings


  • Leave notes for those you care about
  • Talk about your differences based on your temperaments
  • Discuss how to clear up conflicts
  • You have the capacity to enjoy private time
  • Plan for couple and friend time


  • Choose which events you want to attend, it’s OK to decline invitations
  • Remind yourself you may feel overstimulated at social gatherings and that is OK
  • Stay on the side-lines and observe before you enter festive occasions
  • Decide when you will arrive and leave, you can always stay longer if you feel peppy enough
  • Wear an interesting piece of jewelry or tie (usually guys) as a conversation starter

Dealing with Introverted Children

  • Explain introverted qualities to your child
  • Never correct your child in front of others
  • Let them watch before entering an activity
  • Encourage breaks to recharge
  • Realize they need time to think before responding to questions

The TOP 10 Advantages of Being An Introvert, According to Dr. Laney, Are:

Advantages Introverts Possess:

10) Work Well With Others, Especially In One-to-One Relationships

9) Maintain Long-Term Friendships

8) Flexible

7) Independent

6) Strong Ability To Concentrate

5) Self-Reflective

4) Responsible

3) Creative, Out-of-the-Box thinking

2) Analytical Skills That Integrate Complexity

1) Studious and Smart

** Much thanks to Dr. Laney for the original post ~ Excerpted from:




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Mar 16 2012

Our Wise Affirmations For Proactive & SistahPeaceful Living™ . . . For January & The Year 2012 . . .

Our Wise Affirmations

For Proactive & SistahPeaceful Living™ . . .

For January & The Year 2012 . . .

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 “When we love,

we are the Universe

and the Universe lives in us.”

~ O. Pirmez


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Eye of God:

. . . We are Star Dusk, we are Golden . . . 

. . .  Billion year old carbon . . .

 . . .  And we’ve got to get back to the Garden . . .

~ Sis Joni Mitchell, Woodstock



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A  Self-Affirmative

ReShaping WellBalance™ Contemplation

For 2012  . . .


We are the Living Breath of DivineShe™


the Solar Stuff of Stars.

We can always select to shine

like the Divinely Self-differentiated

Solar Stars we are destined to be . . .

~ AfraShe Asungi


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Jan 27 2011

Our January Article Of The Month : Simple Ways to WellBalance ™ Acute Stress . . .

Published by under Blog Management

Originally from:

Our January Article Of The Month :

Simple Ways to WellBalance(tm) Symptoms Acute Stress:

A Website That Assists Us to Simply Pause and, “Do Nothing” for Two

Minutes . . .

by AfraShe Asungi, LCSW, MSW, MFA ~ January, 2011

H ere’s a rather novel way for all classic “extreme internet users” to take a [meditational?] breather, to momentarily “de-stress” and “Do Nothing” during those days when we’ve clearly spent a way too much time online  . . .

This site was apparently created as an online meditation middle-ground  for anyone who doubts that they are, in fact,  spending far too much time on their electronic toys.  One major recommendation today for reducing many stress-related symptoms is meditation. However, a great many electronic devices-dependent wimmin, who has tried to attune to the recently popular curative art of meditation can tell you it’s not as easy as it seems.

Particularly since it’s so much easier  to “zone-out” via the Internet, portable games, smart phones, and endless television and movies we can watch. For those seeking a meditational middle-ground, there is even a website where you can stay connected to your favorite “devices” while mindfully [or is it mindlessly?] doing absolutely nothing for two [whole] minutes, which, as we know can be a life time  for any serious internet user.

According to Alex Tew, the sites’ creator:

“I had been thinking how we spend every waking minute of the day with access to an unlimited supply of information, to the point of information overload. I also read somewhere that there is evidence that our brains are being re-wired by the internet, because we get a little dopamine kick every time we check our e-mail or Twitter or Facebook and there’s a new update. So we’re all developing a bit of ADD. Which is probably not great in terms of being productive.”

Of course, it goes without saying that I recommend that you continue to endeavor to regularly taking a “be still and do nothing” stress reduction break from it all, but in the meantime, if you know you’re just not there yet, here’s a another middle-ground  way to developing your capacity to be still, stop the mind stimuli long enough to allow your mind/body to gain some relief from those things we can’t easily refrain from, as internet columnist, Jamie Frevele has so humorously shared:

“Truth is, it’s not hard to do nothing for two minutes, sitting back and listening to waves while keeping your hands off your computer. But then again, not everyone does yoga. Some people just can’t sit still. There’s an email to check, a text to answer, a site possibly updating … and that’s why we all need to give this a try. Seriously — go try it.”

Here’s Our Additional WellBalance ™  Suggestion for How you can Develop a Few Simple Relaxation and Stress Reduction Tools As Well As Your Willingness to Regularly Use Them:

So, here’s what you can also do . . . for every day you spend 4 hours or more on your electric devices / internet, etc, commit to spending a 2-min session on this site, until you are ready to go to a real body of water [lake river, or ocean – or even about 30 minutes in a quite bath will suffice]. And when you find that you’re actually enjoying this taking these moments to simply “be still”, then take the next step by adding short, 15 minute meditations a minimum of 2-3 times a week or on those days when you’re really stressed out [ so you can do it at lunch time or even just before you go to bed after a stressful day . . .].

But for now, until you’ve successfully built up enough stamina for the above, you can just commit to beginning with the plan of regularly  “semi-de-stressing“ by taking time to, “Do Nothing” for Two Minutes . . .” by following through with a regular commitment to not doing at . . .


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Aug 25 2010

A SistahPeaceful™ Welcome . . .

A Peaceful Welcome to our new blog . . . .please excuse us while we continue to build this blog . . .in the meantime- please visit our other pages at SistahPeace™ WellBalance™ Counseling and Coaching Services at

SistahPeacefully ™,

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