Jan 30 2012

Our Article Of The Month: Why Taking A Compliment = Being Mindfully Self-Appreciative . . .

About Our Currently Featured AFTTM Article :

A Few Thoughts That Matter:

For Any Womin Who Finds That She Just Can’t Take a Compliment . . .

& 20 Good Thoughts From Those Who Can . . .

by AfraShe Asungi, LCSW, MSW, MFA 


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If you weren’t already aware of it ~ taking a compliment often means being able to be mindfully Self- appreciative.
If you’ve read our group info page discussion about the benefits of wimmin’s groups, “On Moving from A Self-Depreciative To A Self-Appreciative World-View Through Wimmin’s Groups” then you’re already aware that I affirmed that:
“Self-appreciation is essential to our having a healthy holistic, balanced and contented lifestyle. It’s also another form of self-validation. When we mindfully and naturally validate ourselves, we don’t fruitlessly look for appreciation and validation from other folk, who really can’t give us this, nor any real or lasting sense of self-worth anyway.
While it’s really unfortunate that as wimmin we’re often socialized into looking outside ourselves for it; It’s simply not possible for us to receive the external validation we might [unrealistically] crave from others.
Ironically, validation from others can only have real meaning when we are able to do it for ourselves first. Without an inherent, healthy sense of self-appreciation, seeking any meaningful sense of validation from others is pretty much akin to pouring wine into a sieve.”


The following article offers additional and useful insight on reasons why we should learn to comfortably accept and appreciate our Selves enough to recognize our positive qualities [Inner- strengths] ~ and even come to naturally accept “praises” from others~ as a way to “fend off depression” ~ I’d add stress, anxiety, anger and even self-destructive, impulsive actions too.

Additionally it shares 20 examples of how other wimmin have “patted” themselves “on the back” by sharing their own, “self-described best attributes.”

What would you say are your own “self-described best attributes”? how do you react when others sing your praises? Feel free to share your thoughts and responses with us as well as whether you’re able [or not] to comfortably accept a compliment too . . .

And if you’re looking for a womin-affirmative group where you can explore these and other womin-affirmative topics, please click here . . .

Enjoy the Inner Explorations . . .

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Why You Can’t Take a Compliment

and 20 Great Reasons to Start . . .

Do you scoff when someone sings your praises?

Here’s why you should stop shooting down compliments

and start saying ‘thanks!’ instead

By Katie Kerns ~ 09/07/2011.

When your friend says that she loves your sweater, you’re quick to fend off the flattery (This old thing? Its so last-season!). When your honey mentions that you look pretty, you respond with a big, fat, but I feel fat. And its more common than not for you to counter any praise by listing off your flaws.

Sound familiar? Like many other women in the United States, you’re a compliment-carper.

So why can’t you just accept the kind words? There are a number of reasons women refuse to take compliments, according to health writer and body image expert Leslie Goldman, MPH, who recently blogged about the topic.

Many females are taught that they should be modest and humble, she recently explained on the Today show. They’re worried that accepting praise could make them appear arrogant. We don’t want other people to think that we think we’re all that. So we downplay our strengths and accentuate our weaknesses.

But beyond safeguarding against a big ego, many women simply believe the kudos is undeserved. Goldman chalks this up to inner body bullies self-destructing demons that tell us we’re not thin enough, we’re not good enough, and not worthy enough to take the compliment.

In fact, research published in the journal Psychology of Women Quarterly found that women are doing more than just pooh-poohing praise. The study found that a whopping 93 percent of college-aged women engage in fat talk, or sounding off about their flaws to their friends. This toxic talk may seem like harmless chatter among girlfriends, but it can damage self-esteem.

On the flip side, research shows that being able to recognize your positive qualities and accept compliments (simply saying thank you the next time a co-worker admires your new haircut) can boost self-esteem and even help fend off depression.

Proponents of positive thinking say that giving yourself a pep talk or believing the kind words of others when you’re feeling stressed or blue can actually counteract those negative emotions and improve your mood.

So we asked our Everyday Health Facebook fans to share what they love most about themselves. From your big, caring hearts to your big, perky boobs, here’s a sampling of your self-described best attributes.

We think they’re pretty great and we hope you’ll accept the compliment!


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I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know.

But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

~ WiseHelper Virginia Satir


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20 Reasons To Pat Yourself On The Back!

1. I love my personality. People always tell me that I light up a room! ~Suzanne Romeo Bahmer

2. I love my sun-kissed freckles! They aren’t visible in the winter months, but in the summer they sure pop out! They are a reminder to apply sunscreen, but they also make me happy to know that summertime is in full swing! ~Tracie Pack Dawson

3. I am definitely not a size 2 and I can’t take a compliment at all but I like me, my ability to live life, and my ability to find humor in even the crappiest of moments. ~Nicci Baierlein

4. I lost 70 pounds in nine months and am proud of my perseverance to accomplish it. ~Melia Clark Nichols

5. I love my very short, curly hair that chemo has brought into my life. ~Lisa Taylor

6. I have a great chest. No sags and my cleavage rocks. By the way, I’ll be 54 in one month. ~Jacqueline Knight

7. The main thing I like about myself is that I have a big heart and I will do anything in my power to help anyone! ~Suzanne Marie Taylor

8. I love the fact that lipstick makes me feel beautiful It really does! ~Carmen M. Craig

9. My ass is a little big but I still like it… My chest is hanging a little low these days but I still like it… Hair a little gray but, hey, I still like it! What can I say? I just like me. ~Vickie Snyder

10. I love the fact that I have my daddy’s eyes and a great sense of humor. ~Nancy Magdalene Neblett

11. I’m great at encouraging people. ~Maribel Rivera

13. I love that, at 48, I still look great, I’m in good health, and I’m extremely happy. I think my generation is one of the best-looking because we were taught early enough to take care of ourselves. All my friends look amazing! ~Wyndi Molinari Potts

14. I work out hard and I am proud of my body. I believe strong is beautiful! ~Tabitha Sale

15. I was teased about my big lips as a child. But, as an adult, I have learned to love them because I appreciate their natural sexiness. ~Lisa St John

16. Whenever someone says that I look just like someone else they know, I say Oh, she must be beautiful! ~Tracy Gross

17. Jeans always look good on me! And I’m hilariously funny! ~Christine Miller Thurston

18. I love that I finally learned to accept who I am. It took me close to 40 years, but life is much better when you don’t dislike who you are. ~Jennifer Brewer Bosley

19. I have pretty eyes and great smile. So go ahead and give me a compliment! I can take it! ~Susan Sewell Henry

20. I rock. I mean it. ~Amanda May


Much thanks to Everyday Health for the original post of this featured article at:

Copyright 2011 Everyday Health, Inc.
About EverydayHealth.com | About Everyday Health, Inc.

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